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A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

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Lawrence in Italy

Some (not entirely) random ramblings from my trip around Europe

Last week, I met an American friend who’s been living in Rome for a while.

He still has a lot of assets in dollars and complains about how expensive it is paying for everything in Euros. He’s got a point. I spent 31 Euros ($49) for a so-so plate of tagliatelle in Venice the week before. No mere bagatelle. It would’ve cost about ten bucks during the good old days of the lira.

For all our sakes, one hopes the spread between euro and dollar won’t widen but since that’s out of our hands, I propose the same plan of action which elicited a strange stare from my now Roman friend: just get a lot more dollars. (I’ll have some concrete suggestions next week.)

There are few places an American can go nowadays without saying “ouch,” when compared with a few years ago. Even a country like Croatia has Americans holding onto their wallets.

Recently, near the city of Split, Croatia, I was frivolously intent on carrying out a split run direct mail test. I abandoned this notion when my wife threatened her own version of a split test, so I waited till I was back in Rome.

Though I didn’t send a statistically significant batch of mail and was only testing deliverability, it was fascinating what I discovered. Delivery of a post card or letter from the world’s smallest country, Vatican City, to the U.S. and Canada is between 50% and 100% faster than it is from the Roman post office four minutes down the block. I wish someone could explain how this is so. Since Vatican City is only 0.2 square miles and has no airport anyone knows of, its mail must be flown out of Rome Fiumicino Airport and sorted with the same mail dropped off at Roman P.O.’s

Whatever the reason, there’s a positive correlation between speed of delivery and response rates, so the sight of a sack-laden direct mail marketer waiting in line behind an Archbishop at the Vatican Post Office is not out of the question.

I had a reason for doing this test.

Because of the economic turmoil taking place, I’m looking into the viability of some sort of safe haven report or newsletter targeted toward frazzled U.S. investors a la Joel Nadel’s Royal Society of Lichtenstein (sold to Agora) or the Zurich Report from the 1980’s.

Speaking of Americans, there are far fewer of them wandering the streets of major European cities. During the summer months, one usually hears English spoken as freely as the local language. Now, due to the ascendance of the Russian middle class, one is just as likely to hear Russian. And the Russians are voracious consumers of luxury items. My brother-in-law who’s new Russian in most respects (read conspicuous consumer) gave me a bottle of Louis XIII cognac before returning home. I’ve never seen anything so outrageous. For a thousand Euros, it comes in a baccarat crystal decanter and is contained within a red leather presentation case, replete with a 14 carat gold label. I insisted I don’t drink cognac and preferred a 50 euro bottle of single malt, yet I wound up schlepping the box back to Arizona.

As prosperous as the Russians now are, I wouldn’t count on them displacing Americans for too long. Since all of their newfound prosperity depends on high energy prices, when prices recede — and it’s just a question of when — the Russian middle class may vaporize as fast as it appeared.

On the Italian School of Copywriting

Many Italians don’t waste time with letters to the editor. A can of spray paint and a barren wall let them carry on the time honored sport of political commentary popularized by a 16th Century tailor named Pasquino and dating back to the ancient city of Pompeii.

A worthy descendent of Pasquino is credited with the following lines, carved in a loaf of bread and hung on a statue of Caesar. The backdrop was the fascist rule, when Italians were urged to sacrifice for the greater good of empire while finding their daily bread increasingly inedible by the day.

Cesare!

Tu che ci hai lo stommico di fero,

Mangete sto pane di l’Impero!

(Caesar! You who have a stomach of iron, eat this bread of the Empire!)

Filed Under: Blog

Good Yellow Page Advertising

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Yellow Page AdvertisingThere are several expert Yellow Page advisers on my list.

While I’m no expert per se, good Yellow Page advertising conforms to the same direct response principles which separate us from the blind fumbling around in the darknesses of image advertising.

I rejoiced when I found this quarter-page ad today since it’s the first Yellowpage ad I’ve ever seen — not an example in a DM book– which gets it right.

Great U.S.P (unique selling proposition) also. Fixed Right or It’s Free.

Filed Under: Blog, Direct Response Copywriting Swipe File

Halo Marketing (alla Alfredo)

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Lawrence at Il Vero Alfredo (Rome)For the longest time, I was confounded by my next door neighbor’s success in the restaurant business.

His brand of marketing is foreign to my direct response mind.

From the smiling images of him on everything from wine labels to billboards…to the hundreds of photos of him posed with celebrities, sports stars and U.S Presidents adorning his restaurants’ walls …to the zany, almost incomprehensible late night TV commercials.

What’s more, his restaurant’s food is good, but far from great. His chef couldn’t stand in the same kitchen with the little restaurant down the street run by a husband and wife team, yet he does twenty times the business they do. [Read more…] about Halo Marketing (alla Alfredo)

Filed Under: Blog

“Junk Mail’s Top Dogs” (Bill Jayme and Heikki Ratalahti)

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Heikki Ratalahti and Bill Jayme“Junk Mail’s Top Dogs” was an article that appeared in The New York Times Magazine on August 10, 1990.

Bill Jayme was the copy genius and Heikki Ratalahti was the design master behind over 200 winning direct mail packages.

Denny Hatch called them “the creative team of the century” and it’s hard to argue with that.

Some excerpts from the article:

One still-famous Jayme line was for Psychology Today: ”Do you close the bathroom door even when you’re the only one home?”

Owen J. Lipstein recalls traveling to see Jayme and Ratalahti in 1982 with $150,000 and an idea for a health magazine. In about 30 seconds, he told them its name, American Health, and explained that existing health magazines ”worshiped death” while this one would be ”life worshiping.”

Jayme says he and Ratalahti will spend three weeks crafting a package, with Jayme writing and rewriting the basic letter, a second letter, an order form and brochure, reading them aloud to himself and Ratalahti and never looking at readership profiles or surveys because ”that tells us what they have, not what they want or who they want to be.”

Filed Under: Blog

Take My Social Security Number…Please

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I just ran across one of the most startling proof elements ever devised.

It hails from a company called LifeLock.

The ad starts off:

My name is Todd Davis

My social security number is 457-55-5462

I’m Todd Davis, CEO of LifeLock, and yes, that’s my real social security number*. Identity theft is one of the fastest growing crimes in America, victimizing over 10 million people a year and costing billions of dollars. So why publish my social security number? Because I’m absolutely confident LifeLock is protecting my good name and personal information, just like it will yours. And we guarantee our service up to $1 million dollars.”

It’s doubtful Claude Hopkins could come up with a more arresting headline and opening paragraph. But Claude never lived in a time when concerns over data protection cause sleepless nights.

No doubt, a very adept marketer came up with this. Even the product name, LifeLock, is superlative.

Whether the hubristic USP (and service) can stand up to Eastern European hackers and our own homegrown highwaymen is another question.

Filed Under: Blog

Two Makepeace Pieces and a Special Copywriting Report

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Copywriting ConspiracyTony Flores rang me up a few weeks ago and asked if I’d be willing to promote a new project he’s got cooking with Clayton Makepace.

I felt bad telling Tony no.

He’s Jesuit educated like me, a super sharp marketer and also one of my customers. But I’m as recalcitrant as they come where affiliate marketing is concerned.

However, a few days after our call, I downloaded the report Tony asked me to look at. When I got about half way through the 26 page PDF, I thought it was one of the most well crafted, informative and on target reports I’d read in a while. I recommend it…sans kickback.

If you download the PDF and are curious about the lead gen Clayton created, (and referenced to bring in over $20 million) you can find it here. The Great Dollar Panic of 2007-2008 (for Martin Weiss). A word of warning though. Clayton was a little too soft on our Central Bank. Perhaps, it’s forgivable considering how well the piece is written.

Finally, here’s one of Clayton’s pieces I really admire. The 23 Cent Life Saver Heart Surgeons Never Tell You About!

Filed Under: Blog, Direct Response Copywriting Swipe File

“How To Get A Better Job” from Drayton Bird

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How To Get A Better JobAn insightful, free report I just downloaded from Drayton Bird’s website led me to recall some unusual advice from an acquaintance back in New York, who was one part psychologist, one part prankster.

He advocated that everyone in the workforce should apply for a job while at their peak of security, solvency and job satisfaction.

His point was most applicants approach job seeking as supplicants and never experience the process from a detached, devil may care perspective. (This does carry some risk, as I’ve known more than one Wall Street person to get sacked when their present employer discovered they were seeking greener pastures.)

But there are things you can do when applying for a job with an aura of unassailable strength that you can’t do otherwise. Like, going for positions that are “over your head” or for which you’re “under qualified.” What you may lack in technical knowledge is compensated for with bolstered confidence and lack of emotion over the result. You can also play hard ball when/if you reach the salary negotiation stage for the same reasons.

Though I’m now on the other side of the fence and plying topgrading strategies to avoid mis-hires in my own company, I found Drayton’s report to be irresistible from a marketer’s point of view. And who knows if one will need this again?

I especially like the letters he includes in this report, one of which landed a position for his associate across the Atlantic.

Drayton Bird eats, drinks, breathes (and teaches) direct marketing and this fine report is typical of his high standard.

“How To Get A Better Job” requires an opt-in and you’d be doing yourself a service to get on Drayton’s list.

Filed Under: Blog

6 Rules to Break for Consulting Success in 2008

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Consultant

Copywriters…throw down your ballpoints.

Direct marketers…prepare to change hats.

At least for a while.

An important signal just flashed here at headquarters about a larger and potentially far more lucrative opportunity.

And unlike the online world where it often seems like a handful of Internet marketers chase the same dollar from a hyper-respondent (while their followers scrap for leftovers), this is a largely offline world with fewer players and far bigger stakes.

Yes, I’m talking about consulting to the vast universe of small businesses. But not in the proposal-submitting, conventional sense most know of.

A trusted source just forwarded some inside info about a small business consultant who’s pulling in upwards of $50,000 a month with a combination of old school space advertising and advanced take-away selling.

And from what my source has shared…she’s just getting warmed up. That’s because… [Read more…] about 6 Rules to Break for Consulting Success in 2008

Filed Under: Blog

Billionaire Copywriter Gives Teleseminar Tonight

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Several years ago, my wife was skimming the Learning Annex catalogue and came across an interesting class.

“Hey Lawrence, do you know this guy, Sugarman, who’s giving a lecture on copywriting at the Learning Annex next week? Worth going to?”

“Worth going to…worth going to? Are you kidding?”

I implored her to call the Learning Annex the very next minute and enroll us.

Since my wife was a Wall Street person, I explained to her that Joe Sugarman was one of the most important direct marketing men alive.

  • First to combine Toll-Free ordering with acceptance of credit cards.
  • For a time, the writer and publisher of most of the advertising any traveler would encounter on an airline.
  • The “copy chief” to a generation of super successful direct marketers: Richard Thalheimer of Sharper Image, Drew Kaplan of Dak and Fred Simon of Omaha Steaks
  • The author of my favorite marketing book, “Triggers.”
  • One of the pioneers of the television infomercial, whose Blublocker Sunglass brand is still going strong today

Unbelievably, the cost of this three hour training was about $50 a person. A far cry from the $2,000 he charged for his first seminar in 1977. It turned out the President of the Learning Annex was a personal friend of Joe’s and his copy helped launch the Annex in first place.  Those three hours were one of the best investments ever made.

If you’ve never heard Joe speak in person, you’ve missed one of the most regaling and instructive lecturers you’ll ever hear.  And this brings me to some exciting news. Joe will be on teleseminar with A-List copywriter, David Deutsch, tonight, Wednesday April 30th at 9:00 PM Eastern, 6:00 PM Pacific time.

Here are the agenda and call in details for tonight’s call with Joe Sugarman.

And for complete info about David Deutsch’s Copy Quickstart, see this link.

Filed Under: Blog

Weimar Republic or Dow 20,000…Who Cares?

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Weimar Republic 50 Million Marks

(Note 4/25/11) I wrote this a little over 3 years ago and decided to revisit it based on the combination of rising oil prices and the fast approaching U.S. debt ceiling. Whether one’s an historian, marketer, or just a keen observer, awareness of these cycles puts you ahead.

Compared to many other professions, I look at direct marketing as a godsend in times like these.

Unlike traders, for example, marketers have the luxury of choosing a Plan A and a Plan B.

Here’s a 50-million-mark, Weimar Republic banknote from the year 1923 — worth about one U.S. dollar when originally printed. Nine years earlier, such a note would have been worth $12 million.

So if a person had 50 million in 10 mark notes in 1923, he’d literally need a wheel barrel full of money to buy a cup of coffee.

Is the United States (and the rest of the world) headed in this direction?

Or is Dow 20,000 around the corner?

Who knows? Who cares?

Since the only group of people with any statistical accuracy at predicting the future are meteorologists — and we know how often they’re wrong — we as marketers are best suited toward one aim: “entering the conversation already taking place in the prospect’s mind.”

If there were only one marketing commandment to live by, it would be these words of Robert Collier from a half-century ago. That’s because Collier’s timeless directive was as true in 2,000 B.C. as it is in 2008.

Take the bountiful examples of this today in the declining U.S. housing market. Many homeowners owe far more than their homes are worth and find themselves staring at default each and every month, as their mortgages adjust to higher rates. What do these people want, far more than anything else? To get out from under the pain of meeting these impossible obligations.

So, like a parent scooping up a fallen child on the playground, in steps San Diego company, You Walk Away, LLC. As their name suggests (and for a flat fee of $995), they help people walk away from their homes and cede them to the banks for forclosure.

As an enlightened consumer, I don’t see what the $995 payment entitles me to that I couldn’t do for myself, gratis. As a marketer, I take my hat off to this company for tapping into this abundant pain and appearing to offer a speedy solution.

Pain Tap Marketing

Another example of “pain tap marketing,” for which I felt some recent, acute pain myself, is tax preparation. Take the most dreadful return you’ve ever filed, multiply it by 20 and you’ll have some idea of what a hyperactive day trader’s return is like. (No, I’m not a trader, though I considered starting a fund that takes the opposite positions to ones I have in my portfolio.) When you’re filing jointly, there’s no distinction between your spouse’s portion and your own. And the I.R.S.’s wash sale requirements, which active traders face, are a nightmare for even the best accountancies.

Bleary eyed at 2:00 am last week, I wondered if there were an accounting firm which specializes in tax preparation for day traders. A few Google searches later, I turned up: DayTraderTax.com, a company, which once again as its name suggests, specializes in tax preparation for day traders. I haven’t contacted them yet, but as 2009 draws nearer, I’ll be making an inquiry.

Their website is crying out for an online marketer’s red headline injection though.

Stressed Out DAY TRADERS: Gain an extra month for every year of your remaining life expectancy…or you pay us nothing

Filed Under: Blog

20 Real Estate Domains for Sale Top US Markets (Referral Business Model)

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These real estate domain names were registered over 4 years ago.

All they need is an SEO optimized WordPress platform and premium IDX / MLS  searchability to build a nationwide realtor referral machine.

This has been on my back burner for far too long and I have too many coals on the fire to launch this any time soon.

A block of .com domains in these real estate markets would be next to impossible to come by in 2010.

Price: $30,000 $22,500

Settlement by Cashiers Check, Wire or PayPal Masspay. Please do not inquire about individual domains. No domain brokers. Inquiries: 1-866-863-4850.

www.baltimorehomesblog.com
www.bostonhomesblog.com
www.dallashomesblog.com
www.detroithomesblog.com
www.houstonhomesblog.com
www.indianapolishomesblog.com
www.lasvegashomesblog.com
www.losangeleshomesblog.com
www.memphishomesblog.com
www.miamihomesblog.com
www.milwaukeehomesblog.com
www.neworleanshomesblog.com
www.newyorkhomesblog.com
www.philadelphiahomesblog.com
www.phoenixhomesblog.com
www.sanantoniohomesblog.com
www.sanjosehomesblog.com
www.seattlehomesblog.com
www.tucsonhomesblog.com
www.tulsahomesblog.com

Filed Under: Blog

Jay Abraham Copywriting Video: “How To Use Amazon To Write Great Copy”

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I found this 10-minute Jay Abraham video to be an ingenious (and highly actionable) methodology for digging into the core of almost any market and quickly discovering its pains and passions.

Jay shows how to harness the latent copy power of one of the most successful e-commerce models of all time: the Amazon review system.

Take this Top 100 List in Beauty & Fashion as an example. These winning book titles can be used as models for the headlines and sub-heads in your own advertising. Additionally, the Amazon review system is like a giant X-ray machine that gives a savvy marketer a quick and clear picture of what’s going on.

Thanks to Terry Dean for alerting me to this terrific video.

Filed Under: Blog

My Motivational U.S.P. Discovered On Alcatraz Island

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U.S.P. AlcatrazIn the world of advertising, so much attention is devoted to finding the right u.s.p. or unique selling proposition, the term coined by Rosser Reeves.

What about a u.s.p for motivation?

I found mine last week on Alcatraz, the most notorious U.S.P. — not related to selling — but standing for “United States Penitentiary.”

As I walked the damp, dark and forbidding corridors of the former federal prison, now under the custody of the National Park Service, I got a dose of the physical, mental and spiritual assault the prisoners experienced every moment while on “The Rock.”

And though I was free at any moment to hop the ferry back to sunny San Francisco, the atmosphere was so oppressive (in the moment), it was hard to think of anything else but the immediate surroundings.

It was fascinating to observe the other visitors’ behavior.

For instance, even though the doors to the solitary confinement cells were wide open for visitors to step inside, not more than 1-in-20 exercised this option. I did…and found it nearly impossible to smile for the camera.

So what’s the convoluted connection between Alcatraz and improved motivation?

I turn to Rule #2 of the REGULATIONS FOR INMATES U.S.P., ALCATRAZ

#2 GOOD WORK RECORD means the reputation you establish as a willing, capable workman, doing your best at whatever work you are told to do.

What a concept. Doing your best at what you are told to do.

Other than my wife (and the I.R.S.), no one has told me what to do for years. And for an entrepreneur like me, who’s 100% responsible for the success of his business, this can be a problem as much as a blessing.

Because with no manager looking over our shoulders and virtually no oversight, there’s often a struggle getting the important things done.

Inspiration or desperation?

In the past, I was someone who was driven to action by desperation. Forget the carrot-and-stick or dreams of greater things. If there were sufficient dollars in the A.T.M and enough potato chips in the bowl, I was content on the sofa with remote control in hand.

But if I faced an imminent catastrophe, risk to life and limb, or threat of insolvency, I’d spring to action on all fronts with surprisingly good performance most of the time.

Of course, this a terrible motivation strategy, and fortunately I’ve found a better approach, but there are plenty of my former brethren still operating this way.

Gary Halbert was a proponent of the “gun to the head” motivation strategy. Hyper-talented marketer and Brazilian Jujutsu champion, Lloyd Irvin, took him one further. Lloyd gave a stellar presentation at The System last year in which he used the starker metaphor of a “gun to your loved one’s head,” in addition to sharing his numerous martial arts grounded motivation strategies.

But the gun-to-the-head metaphor has never worked for me and may not for you. First of all, unless you’ve ever had a weapon pointed at you, it’s impossible to know whether you’d be mobilized for action or paralyzed with fear. And the thought of a gun pointed at a child’s head just robs me of any clarity of mind to do anything.

Give me Alcatraz

So here is my motivational epiphany gleaned from Alcatraz. While walking the long, haunting cell blocks, I envisioned myself in one of those damp, dark cells with my laptop computer and project in hand. (Maybe a sweater…it’s pretty damp in there.) I imagined being required to work productively on my main project for four solid hours daily and then being freed if…and only if…this were accomplished.

Would I mind extending this out to six or seven hours? No way. I’d want to be out of there as fast as possible and so would you. Would I dare check emails, product sales, stock quotes or web stats during these four hours? If it meant spending an extra moment in that cell, not a chance.

Wouldn’t you, too, be immensely productive in the four hour time frame of this Alcatraz hypothetical? I think you know the answer. So, why do so many of us do the above in addition to taking pointless phone calls and doing tabbed browsing…when we can choose to focus on our main projects? After all, we’re free.

So with this in mind, I humbly offer the…

8 rules for maximum productivity inspired by Alcatraz

  1. Commit to making these four hours unassailable time with no scheduling of meetings or phone calls. Consider yourself “on call” the same as an emergency room physician, a metropolitan fire fighter or jet pilot, except you are on call for yourself and your business. Take a few minute break not more than once an hour.
  2. Buy, read and practice “Getting Things Done” if you haven’t yet. This book offers a system for addressing all the open loops in your life that are pummeling your psyche and wrecking both your productivity and creativity. The “2 minute rule” alone will give you 10% more efficiency this year if you haven’t yet implemented it.
  3. No checking emails…no answering emails…no thinking of emails. This is a senseless compulsion which seems to rob half the population of its productivity. See rule #8 for more.
  4. No phone calls during this four hour block. Train your family and friends (or staff and p.a. if you have them) not to interrupt you during this time. And forget about “what ifs” as in “what if I don’t answer the phone…abc may be calling about xyz.” Switch to thinking in terms of, “what if I don’t finish this important part of the project right now?”
  5. Keep only one or two widows open on your PC. Unless you’re a day trader, you’re mauling your productivity by keeping multiple windows open. This especially holds true for tabbed web browsing. A cluttered computer desktop is the equivalent of a messy office. Remove the numerous windows and tabs and you’ll remove the temptation to check emails, sales, stock quotes and the like. Few highly successful people are multi-taskers.
  6. Say “no” early and often (except to your kids). This may be the single greatest liberating skill and all it requires is consistent practice to make it a habit…even if you’re a “yes man.”
  7. Regularly monitor your self talk and completely eliminate “I have to” and “I’ve got to” when referring to your main projects. “I have to” utterances trigger subconscious battles in certain people and derail focus. Say instead, “I choose to do this now” or “I really want to get this done now.” Take it from a former procrastinator like me, this works.
  8. Follow Sam Walton’s “sundown rule.” (Now is the time to fire up your email program.) Sam made it a practice to return all phone messages, faxes, letters and inquiries by sundown. Even if just to acknowledge the message was received. Example, “Mr. Walton received the message and will get back to you within 48 hours.” Of course, this needn’t be done by sundown but you should establish a set time every day for it. It will add oodles of productivity to your weekly output.

Oh, what’s that sound? The bars have opened…I’m free. And headed out for a late February meltdown under the Southern Arizona sun.

Til next time.

Filed Under: Blog, Productivity & Self Help

Fred Rogers & The U.S. Senate: One of the Greatest Sales Presentations You’ll See

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Filed Under: Blog

Sharper Image Files For Bankruptcy

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Sharper Image Ad for The BouncerThough far from being a lean and mean direct response outfit, with 184 retail stores in the U.S., The Sharper Image has its roots in direct response advertising.

Sharper Image Founder and longtime CEO, Richard Thalheimer, attended the 1970’s “finishing school” for direct marketers given by Joe Sugarman. I caught a light version two decades later.

Quite a different world today in consumer electronics and gadgets than when Joe Sugarman founded JS&A and Richard Thalheimer shortly thereafter founded The Sharper Image.

And if Sharper Image goes down for the count, they’ve had a great run.

Here’s the New York Times Article.

1979 ad for The Bouncer.

Filed Under: Blog

Announcement About the Announcement…

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Happy New Year.

Just a quick announcement about my 2007 announcement.

I’ve recently been infused with a most unexpected dose of inspiration. So the announcement I made about an irresistible 2007 offer will take some more time because I’m working to make an extraordinary product even better…and it will be an even better opportunity.

So stay tuned.

And Happy New Year!

Filed Under: Blog

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Interview with Ogilvy & Mather CEO, Ken Roman

 
 
 
 
 

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